Misteak

How to review a glorious piece of meat

The steak was delicious and tender.

The steak had a great sear. The steak was perfectly seared. Searing pain shot through the steak as it sat in the cast iron pan, bathing in the juice of its own flesh, sizzling with the cry of a thousand people falling into the mouth of an active volcano.

The steak had a nice crust.

Roasted veggies accompanied the steak, which had a great sear.

The sear on the steak had me shook.

The steak arrives, finally. Perfectly caramelized steak sits on the plate. The steak is tired of sitting and gets up and takes a little stroll around the plate. The steak scratches its chin, takes a bite out of a roasted carrot, says “what’s up doc” and lies back down.

The steak cuts like butter. A butter-knife should do the trick, but it doesn’t. It is beautifully pink on the inside, marbled with veins like a still-beating heart. You drop the knife and push into it with your finger, it is as buoyant as the flesh on your palm. It makes you slightly sick to look at this steak, to think of it being in a meadow with green grass and abundant flowers, frolicking and bleating and love making, all to end up as a dissected medallion on this warmed plate.

But what’s better than a steak dinner? Your wife loosens your tie after you get home from work, she takes your briefcase and removes your blazer and unlaces your shoes. She tucks a napkin under your chin, says “open up baby, aaaaah” and places a pre-sliced cube of steak in your greedy drooling mouth. You spit it out because it is not perfectly seared. A weak sear.

The steak costs MP dollars. That’s not that much, not for you. But for you, the one reading this? The one wanting to get the steak, to show up to the restaurant in a red dress and a blue tie with cufflinks shining at your wrists, weak with hope? Maybe it’s too much. Maybe don’t come here. Maybe don’t dream so big, so much. Maybe you should learn to settle, to let go. Maybe don’t wish for it. Maybe be satisfied with what you have. Maybe this is not for you. Maybe get your steak somewhere else.

Even though the steak here is delicious and tender.

Pic of steak I found on my phone— idk where or when this was but she looks good !